I ran a live webinar for the ladies in my free facebook community (click here if you're not already in there!) As my ladies know, I like to turn my mess into my message. I'm not an expert, or a therapist. These are just the things I've learned over the years that I'm passionate about and want to pass on to you. Take it as something to EMPOWER you to create your own thoughts on the topic.
As my ladies also know, I'm not gonna bullshit you. I'm going to be blunt. Please don't take my words personally. They are just meant to help you grow. I'm not over here studying you. I'm just sharing my thoughts, and if you get butthurt about something, it might just be because you need to hear it. ;)
"There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way" - Wayne Dyer. My beloved Wayne had it right. I've seen women who have lost 100+ pounds who became tiny little things with super fit bods be miserable and still feel like shit about themselves despite their accomplishment. I've seen women who are "overweight" by society's standards who love the shit out of themselves (I've actually been that girl!). The point is, you do not need to be a certain size or weight to be happy. You can choose, right now, to love and accept yourself fully, even if you are trying to level up on your fitness or get healthier. If you only attach your happiness to a specific goal, I'd venture a guess that when you get there, you likely still won't be happy. It's awesome to strive for goals, but don't tie your happiness to hem.
You choose whether you feel happy, pretty, and worthy. I hear often from women "I felt pretty" or "I felt really proud". Now sure, a fresh hairdo or doing more push ups in your workout than you could do yesterday might contribute to those feelings, but riddle me this...If you felt pretty or strong or confident one day, doesn't it stand to reason that you could CHOOSE to feel the same way every other day? After all, not much changes from day to day. A fresh haircut is still going to be the same hair a few days later, so you can choose to feel just as gorge as when you step out of the salon. YOU are in charge of how you feel, all day, erryday.
Get over yourself! For reals. Said with love, get over your damn self. If you're concerned about your body or the giant zit on your forehead, stop. Why? Because I can guaran-fricking-tee that no one around you is thinking about your perceived imperfections. No one is judging you that much. You know how you can tell? Because YOU likely aren't judging people that much. Are you sizing up every single woman that you see? Are you judging her based on the cellulite on the back of her legs? If you are, you have some serious internal work to do. But most likely, you either don't notice it, or you're looking at her thinking she's pretty, or has a really great pair of shoes, or you might even be wishing YOU had legs like hers! Guess what chicka? Those ladies are thinking the same thing about you. They ARE NOT picking apart your flaws. And again, if they are, they have SERIOUS work to do, and probably aren't very happy themselves (happy, confident people don't waste their time tearing down others), so they aren't someone who's opinion you should take to heart.
STOP NEGATIVE SELF TALK AND STOP HANGING OUT WITH PEOPLE WHO ENGAGE IN IT. Period. As you think, so shall you be. If you are consistently saying how "bad" you are for eating (EATING, people!! We need to eat to survive. You may not have made the healthiest choice, but come on, you don't have to talk shit about yourself for feeding yourself), or how "awful" your thighs are, you are going to continue feeling like shit about yourself. I know it is a habit and it takes time, but if you can start to be mindful of the nasty things you say to yourself, and work to stop saying them, you will eventually stop thinking them. Speak to yourself the way you'd speak to a friend. You don't get to talk shit about someone I care about, and I care about you. So stop talking shit about that awesome woman (you!). Same thing goes for the women around you. As I said before, happy, confident women don't tear others down. If you're around a woman who does, you have every right to limit your time with her. Negativity is contagious. You don't need to hang around peeps who are infected. You are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with. Choose wisely. Find yourself some friends who lift you and others up, rather than pulling them down.
Shift your focus about your body from the intense desire to change it, or to "get skinny", etc. to being HEALTHY and PROUD. When you ONLY focus on getting skinny, things get stressful AF. The scale isn't always going to cooperate. You're going to have days where your workout sucks or you fall off track with your nutrition. Lean into the GOOD things you're doing, the benefits you are getting, like a longer life, stronger joints and muscles, and just plain feeling like an accomplished badass.
Get rid of the all or nothing mentality with fitness/health. Being "perfect" on a meal plan and fitness routine is NOT POSSIBLE. Humans are not perfect. We slip up. We have busy days where we can't workout. We end up stuck without healthy foods and end up eating nachos (Mmmmm, nachos). It's not possible to be perfect forever, and when you go on a "diet", depriving yourself of virtually everything, or working out like a madwoman without any leeway, typically, you're going to end up crashing, and when you do, you're going to feel like shit and likely less confident than when you did before you started. If you can focus on a MOSTLY healthy lifestyle, it's much more maintainable. Eating healthy all week and having a pizza one night doesn't make you unhealthy. Eating healthy all week and having pizza one night when ALL you are focusing on is your abs, is going to make you wake up the next day without abs, and you're going to feel like your week of healthy choices was for naught. But it's not. Trying to be/stay healthy is always gorgeous.
Invest in yourself (and not a fucking mani-pedi). Make yourself a priority in your life and invest in something that will benefit you or make you happy. Shoes and purses are great, but you didn't create them. You really can only be proud of the money you spent to buy it...which is great! But short lived. A few years ago I decided to invest in one of those Micheal's cake decorating classes. I can't tell you how proud I was when I brought the cake I decorated into work and people were impressed with my skills. Invest in something that will benefit you in the long run, and help you feel accomplished and proud. Keeping it real, I feel like investing in the tools I use and my coaching is a pretty bomb investment. You can read about it here.
Create affirmations and make lists of the things you DO love about yourself. Listen, I get it. If you're not busting at the seams with confidence, I'm sure it might feel weird to say you love every single thing about yourself. But I am SURE that despite the little things we'd love to change about our looks if it was as easy as asking a genie, there are some things you DO like about yourself. I could look at my uneven nostrils and scars on my face, and dwell on them, or I can say "My eyebrows are on point!" or "Gahhh I am such a good friend". Put sticky notes around your house reminding yourself about the AWESOME things about you. Every time you have a negative thought about yourself, come to your affirmations, and read them back to yourself, and dwell on the AWESOME things about you.
I hope this has helped! I could talk about this stuff forever, and I truly believe that every woman, regardless of her weight, size, shape, complexion, facial features, deserves to feel BEAUTIFUL and FABULOUS. I hope that you'll lean into those positive feelings and thoughts about yourself. You deserve it. If you need me in your corner while you're on your fitness journey, I'm here! If you want more dopeness like this coming atya on the daily, follow me over on Facebook.
Hi! I'm Andrea Cummings. I am passionate about living a healthy lifestyle that I can MAINTAIN and that still lets me feel like I'm not being deprived. I like to exercise, but I also love to eat (nachos!). My main focus is to be healthy, not skinny, and to help others do the same! I love Jesus, but I also say fuck a lot, so if you're offended, I may not be the gal for you.